It’s been a while. Mostly because for the longest time I figured that if I didn’t write about cancer… why bother writing? Now I realize that the phase I’ve been in, the treatments I’ve been experiencing, even the fears I walked through during diagnosis… all those experiences and moments will come out in time. The time that they need to, not when I think they need to. So, for the time being, I’m going to write about the parts that what I want to (which may or may not include cancer). This part does.
One of the most difficult parts about being sick for me has been wanting to know where my life is going. For most of the fall, I couldn’t focus on ‘getting well’ because I was too busy stressing myself out over stuff I couldn’t control. It may not be cancer related in your case, but I know most of us can relate.
I wanted clear, precise directions and
answers. What would my body look and feel like at the end of these 6 months?
What jobs could or should I consider as I transitioned out of treatment back
into ‘real life’? Where would I live? How much should I baby myself? And how
much should I jump and dance and plan all the trips and do crazy things because
I survived cancer? Was I supposed to have had this spiritual awakening that
would change everything from here on out? What
should I do with my life, now? (You know, the little questions).
Continue reading “Episode 19: Little Up, Little Down”
“Don’t give up in your mind something that your body hasn’t even attempted yet.”
That thought popped
into my head this morning. I was just
sitting in silence, enjoying a quiet morning. Or trying to enjoy it, I should
say. Way back, in the recesses of my mind, nagging fear was doing a number on
I took a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. I counted my blessings. I stretched. I even walked to the ocean and just marvelled at its beauty. I didn’t look at my phone. I didn’t check my emails. And all this before 8am. I’m telling you, I did everything right. Or rather, I did everything that today’s ‘mindfulness’ gurus tell you to do.
Yet there it was, the
anxiety. The unknown. The dull panic that somehow, somewhere, in some way I was
Continue reading “Episode 18: Paddle Out”
To start, I don’t actually think dreaming actually has a downside. So perhaps my title was 50% clickbait. But, I do think that dreams get an awful lot of hype around this time of year, especially in the online world. You may have noticed I haven’t posted in a quite some time. It isn’t that I suddenly ran out of things to say (that’s laughable). I think the reality is that I needed a break from the online world. Still do, in fact. Social media has a way of wrapping me around its fingers, and honestly I’m still learning how to resist its gravitational pull.
Continue reading “Episode 9: Identity, approval, and the downside of dreams”