I haven’t written here in forever. It’s been strange, because for a certain period of time this blog was an incredible motivator for me. It was the only space I was able to get feedback, and essentially it became my personal cheerleader, reminding me that writing is indeed a viable career. (Yes, I crave validation as much as the next person). Not saying I still don’t have my dark, fearful, unmotivated days… but it’s been beautiful to see how creativity, as with any skill, thrives when you practice it. I haven’t been writing here because I’ve been writing elsewhere, which is basically the best reason I could ever find. It didn’t happen intentionally, yet it happened. I’ve really been learning the value of having a singular focus, but that’s probably another story for another time. So as the book has taken up more of my thoughts, time, and creative energy I started to realize how far I have come with this whole idea of dreaming.
Who knows me? Who understands me? If everything I did, everything I am known for, and all of my dreams of the future suddenly disappeared one day – who would stick around?
I think one of the most challenging aspects of moving or transitioning is that your community shifts and changes. You suddenly find yourself in a new place with new people you need to somehow convey yourself to. People joke all the time about how hard it is as adults to make new friends; you can’t just walk up to someone new on the playground and start a game of tag anymore (I mean technically you could… anyone game to try it out and report back?) But beyond the lack of accessibility of new friends, (everyone is hiding out in their office buildings or Netflixing alone in their homes!) there’s also the fact that as we grow older our needs change. No longer is the pinnacle of friendship defined by finding someone who also loves Barbie’s or Pokémon, suddenly we find that our expectations of relationship have expanded.
What I mean by that is simple: I desire friendships with people who track with me, are on my level… or in other words, people who know me.
To start, I don’t actually think dreaming actually has a downside. So perhaps my title was 50% clickbait. But, I do think that dreams get an awful lot of hype around this time of year, especially in the online world. You may have noticed I haven’t posted in a quite some time. It isn’t that I suddenly ran out of things to say (that’s laughable). I think the reality is that I needed a break from the online world. Still do, in fact. Social media has a way of wrapping me around its fingers, and honestly I’m still learning how to resist its gravitational pull.