Episode 19: Little Up, Little Down

It’s been a while. Mostly because for the longest time I figured that if I didn’t write about cancer… why bother writing? Now I realize that the phase I’ve been in, the treatments I’ve been experiencing, even the fears I walked through during diagnosis… all those experiences and moments will come out in time. The time that they need to, not when I think they need to. So, for the time being, I’m going to write about the parts that what I want to (which may or may not include cancer). This part does.

One of the most difficult parts about being sick for me has been wanting to know where my life is going. For most of the fall, I couldn’t focus on ‘getting well’ because I was too busy stressing myself out over stuff I couldn’t control. It may not be cancer related in your case, but I know most of us can relate.

I wanted clear, precise directions and answers. What would my body look and feel like at the end of these 6 months? What jobs could or should I consider as I transitioned out of treatment back into ‘real life’? Where would I live? How much should I baby myself? And how much should I jump and dance and plan all the trips and do crazy things because I survived cancer? Was I supposed to have had this spiritual awakening that would change everything from here on out? What should I do with my life, now? (You know, the little questions).

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Episode 14: But now we’re stressed out

Stress.

It’s such a dirty word in 2018, hey?

We prefer to talk about sleep hygiene, self-love, meditation and minimalism. We strive to rid ourselves of this demon that wreaks havoc on our mental, emotional, and physical health. Yet we don’t really like to talk about it. I’ve often wondered how many people answering the question, “How’re you doing?” with “Oh I’m just so busy!” should really just cut the crap and say, “I’m stressed.”

But maybe that’s just me.

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Episode 9: Identity, approval, and the downside of dreams

To start, I don’t actually think dreaming actually has a downside. So perhaps my title was 50% clickbait. But, I do think that dreams get an awful lot of hype around this time of year, especially in the online world. You may have noticed I haven’t posted in a quite some time. It isn’t that I suddenly ran out of things to say (that’s laughable). I think the reality is that I needed a break from the online world. Still do, in fact. Social media has a way of wrapping me around its fingers, and honestly I’m still learning how to resist its gravitational pull.

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Episode 3: Thrills and Eddies

What does it for you? What gets your heart pumping? What gives you butterflies? For me, I get a rush when I book a flight. The idea that I don’t know whats going to happen next. The thrill of the non-routine.

No game plan. Just go.

Travelling by air is kind of like a vortex. Ever ridden Space Mountain in Disneyland as a kid? You stand in line for hours, hope everything checks out (am I tall enough??) Then you hop in, strap in, and suddenly nothing is in your control anymore. The ride whips past, and you re-emerge. While you may actually be in the a same place- it feels entirely new. Also, your kid-self feels like a total BOSS because you just rode a spaceship.

Yes, I am saying that I get about as excited to go on airplanes as kids get when they ride space mountain for the first time.

Flights are magic.

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Episode 2: Mandated Peace

There is something to be said for the ability to rest. The ability to place oneself outside of whatever current issue is front and center in your world and just be.

My body craves rest. My mind craves peace.

No, not a feet up, wine in hand, Netflix-binge kind of rest. I mean a beautiful day by day kind of existence.

I want a life filled with rest.

I want everything I do to stem from a position of peace.

Is that too much to ask?

Let me walk you through a tiny piece of my ongoing journey with rest.

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